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About Digital Art / Hobbyist Member The USELESS VampireFemale/United States Group :iconleft4nekos: Left4Nekos
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Deviant for 5 Years
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Statistics 265 Deviations 1,134 Comments 12,121 Pageviews

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The USELESS Vampire
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United States
Short, sarcastic, loves black and red.

Will devour your living essence

                I guess the best way to word how I’m feeling is as though I am sitting at the bottom of the ocean. It’s dark and cloudy, I can barely move, it’s quiet and the pressure is crushing, yet I sit here. In a way, it’s comforting, but there are times were the pain stops and I feel numb, something that scares me.

                I feel like I confess too much here, then I feel that I don’t record enough. I’m not tough or strong, my walls are just a little thicker than most. With every impact, the sting doesn't rock my core in the same instant; it vibrates and travels through those walls, hitting me little by little over time.

                I know that I am a fuck up, I find it selfish of me to dwell on or even think of self pity, so I push it away and try a little harder to make up for my mistakes. But then there are others who find it necessary to bring it up every given opportunity, to throw it in my face, even if they don’t mean to harm me. I take those punches, and then I fall silent as it resonates throughout me.

                Last year, this wouldn't be much of an issue for me, now though I feel like I’m becoming a shell of what I once was and my world is chipping away, for better or for worse I do not know. I’m beginning to lose friends and question others, I’m questioning my own abilities, I’m scared of having the people I love fall victim to the darkness and lose their will…to have my love for them be disregarded so easily…again.

                I don’t always feel this way, most of the time I am genuinely happy. Then there are nights when I reflect, or just encounter little things that trigger a memory, and then I retreat into myself. I will seek solitude when I need it or the presence of others if I need that instead. I won’t say that I am okay if I am not, but I won’t share my despair to everyone, it’s a contagious disease that can unintentionally bring more harm to others than do good to the source. I feel that written words hurt a little less, but they may also seem too scripted than genuine. But these thoughts are real, the pain and numbness is real, and the peace I get after recording these is just as real.

                My lifestyle if more than I can ask for, I am grateful for it all and the love and support of those who genuinely care for my well being. These issues are internal that I need to sort out and deal with over time.

In the meantime…I’ll just admire the stars. 

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BeezRUs Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hey Witch, I need a word with you.
Aki-RoseBlood13 Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
fire away Ghoul, what's up?
Fenrir--the-2nd Featured By Owner Oct 16, 2014
Thank you for the fave :XD:
waywardgal Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank you so much for taking the time out to favorite my works. It means such a great deal to me that you enjoy my art, and I hope you can consider watching Hug
Vaitael Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Student General Artist
Love Nod  :D (Big Grin) La la la la :happybounce:  All things green and happy for you!
Aki-RoseBlood13 Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
#1 :eager: by darkmoon3636 Spidey :heart: It's all about the red!
Vaitael Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2014  Student General Artist
Wut?  We just made Christmas!
Vaitael Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks for the Favs yew :D
AaragonNega Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the favorite on my Seras Victoria artwork! I'm very honored you liked my drawing and it's great to meet you!
Aki-RoseBlood13 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No problem! It takes patience for detail which i can tell you have a lot of, in the end the results of your work is astounding. And the honor is all mine to receive a response from such talent!
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